See the line where the sky meets the sea, it calls meeee~
You know that post-missions high? Yeah, the one that feels as if you’ve found your life calling and that life in Singapore is lame and you should be out there helping God’s people and all.
Yeah, what exactly does it mean?
Is that high similar to God calling me to a life of missions, or is it just my delusion that God is calling me to missions? Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to do a Jonah and avoid God’s calling. But back in 2012, I had that same high that convinced me that I was meant to be a missionary, but somehow 1 year later, God placed me at my current job. So….am I discerning the high wrongly?
This issue is probably something that requires quite a bit of discernment. I can’t remember when I met this old dude, who told me how he prepared for 10 years to be a missionary because he was so sure that it was God’s calling for him, but at the end, it never happened. Being called to be a missionary is in no way an easy or frivolous affair, but yunno, I think I could obey. Or could I?
I think it’s pretty interesting how my missions experience even started. Most of my secondary school friends would know, but pre-Hopkins me would never ever ever have entertained ideas of community service, mission trips, selfless thingamajigs. I was always so focused on attaining good results, things that made ME successful, that such “time-wasters” would probably never have been part of my agenda.
Buuuut (there’s always a but when God is present), God worked in me in Hopkins and I somehow ended up going to XJ for a mission trip. I used to tutor elementary school kids back in Baltimore, and there was such a big culture difference that I used to think that if I were to ever be a real servant for God’s people, it would have to be somewhere back in Asia, where I wasn’t a fish out of water.
So at retreat, when a mission trip to China was announced, it felt like God was literally telling me, “Well, you say you can’t serve in Amurica? No problem, run along to China and make yourself useful there.” And I guess that’s how it happened. I just went for the briefing, joined the team on a whim. When I was informed that I had to fundraise 3000USD for the trip, I thought this just got reallll.. Thankfully, God really provided for the entire team and therein began my month long trip to the border of China (right smack in the middle of my internship). I credit this first mission trip of mine for jumpstarting my whole passion for missions.
The trip opened my eyes to the number of areas where Bibles were not available, and people were unaware about the gospel, and believers were not allowed to worship openly. The reality of how unknown God was sunk in, and it made everything back home seems so pointless. Grades, bell curve, homework. Pfft, what do these matter when there are still so many people in the dark about God? So after the trip, I was literally on fire, really wanting to be God’s vessel to spread His love to others.
Heh, but look where I am now. Stuck in an office. When I started working, I was terribly disillusioned, what was I doing in a cushy cubicle when there are so many people in the world out there that needs help? I didn’t see how I could be doing God’s work when I was sitting on the 42nd floor of some skyscraper.
Until one day I realized, missions can start right at home.
I don’t have to be sent to a far-flung place from home to be able to do God’s work. I could be sent anywhere, and I could start right here in my workplace, in my family, in my homeland. And perhaps this post-missions high is God’s way of showing me, if I was so concerned about the lives of people so far away, shouldn’t I be more invested in the people right next to me?
Perhaps this is the passion God is trying to inspire in me?
It’s my third time back in Cebu, and the post-Cebu high still never fails to confuse me. Is this God’s way of trying to get me to be more involved in the Cebu ministry– Pastor Davis mentioned that I could be a teacher there — or is my involvement and passion mainly going to remain on an annual basis while keep in touch with some of them? I honestly don’t know.
This post-missions high could mean a lot a lot of things. It may or may not mean I’ being called to be a missionary, it may or may not mean I should do something longer-term, it may or may not mean many many things. I’m forever see-sawing between everywhere, but what I do know is that one day, God will show me the way, and I pray that when that day comes, I’ll obey without any hesitance.